Banana Splits at my Gym!

What the hell! My gym during the month of June is having Banana Splits for 2 Euros !! I think they are major saboteurs of the worse kind. I guess it's good business keeping your clients fat.

So lets recap what I can get at my German Gym:

1. Banana Splits ( Made with Ice Cream not Yogurt)

2. Cappuccino and Lattes

3. Smokes

No more Jo-Jo diets !!

Okay I have been a bit of a slacker, it's no lie. I need to seriously drop some lbs. My gym is famous for sending my nice emails reminding me to come be "sporty"! As if my muffin top is not enough of a reminder. Here is my latest reminder email and I have to say I'm excited about it and am definitely looking into it. Here's is the translation via Google language tools.


Hi Kathy,
From June to start again our "Pfundlos happy" courses.
This 8 weeks course with success guarantee makes because, where others do not move forward! In "Pfundlos happy" is all about you! It's about your desire figure, your fitness, your feel-good character, your diet and your fat metabolism.
"Pfundlos happy" is not a diet! Decreasing but a concept that works! Healthy and permanently! Meanwhile know that almost everyone: Most diets promise a lot and keep low. And because there is enough Jo-Jo diets there, here is our suggestion: Stop senseless diets!
Modify your active lifestyle. Use the "Pfundlos-happy" - course and learn in the group, healthy eating, proper exercise and positive thinking!

Register directly or to a non-binding information events:
Course start in Horn: Monday 08.06.09 at 18:08 clock
Tuesday 09.06.09 at 18:08 clock

Your Fitness Park - Team

WTF do you think the "Pfundlos-Happy" course is?? Maybe a magic pill you take with my weight loss water???
I'm so glad it starts at 18:08 and not 18:03 cause I'm usually really busy then! Who starts anything at 8 after the hour , strikes me so funny!

Universal Language

Today while I was being Sporty I got roped into taking a Salsa Aerobic Class my trainer Yvonne was teaching.....My first thoughts are what if instead of weight loss water after the class they serve Margaritas? One never knows? I stand in the back, how hard can it really be right! Well it is hard and I'm currently having difficulty moving...!

But I'm happy to say I followed along pretty good, learn to count to three and more importantly there are several key words that are universal.

1. Mamba means Mamba

2. ChaCha means ChaCha

3. Samba also means Samba

4. Sexy means Sexy

Other than those key words I have NO idea what she was saying, I just kept moving and shaking to the sounds of Ricky Martin.

Oh and by the way there were NO margaritas after class! :(

Sporty Girl is back!

With some Catholic guilt and pressure from a friend I drug my lazy,tired still a little ill arse to the Fitness Club. No one cheered, clapped, there was no balloons or confetti just a mean German girl that was irritated with my lack of German. I was there and ready to be sporty! That's what Germans or maybe all Europeans, or anyone but Americans, call working out or any form of Athletics is Sport . So if you do Sport you are being sporty, when I hear that I feel like I'm one of the Spice Girls or something fancy like that.

So I decide to take it slow due to the fact sport and me have not been best friends lately, I started with the treadmill, pretty safe. The thing about working out in a foreign country is you not only have a language barrier, that's one and then you have to do math right out of he gate, that's because everything is in metric, that's two! I never really grasped the whole metric conversion, so on the treadmill its asking me for info in German, things probably like age, height , weight personal stuff, why can't I just hit quick start and walk.
Finally figure it out and I'm walking and walking, I then notice its awfully quiet in here, you could hear a pin drop odd a gym without music. No techno like at grand opening, No cheesy 80's music nothing ! Okay I'm fine, lost in my thoughts, people watching, walking and now I'm sweating it is really hot in here like sauna hot. I'm not sweating because of the workout no I won't lie I was walking not even a slight jog just walking. Apparently according to my husband the gym he went to was the same way and if you open a window they freak out Germans do not like drafts!

So I did the treadmill and bike and my circuit and I was dripping wet with sweat, to look at me with my skin glistening and my hair all frizzy from the humidity one would think wow that girl was sure sporty. I had a good workout and it felt good moving but the sweat was definitely more from the lack of ventilation then too many reps.

After finding my way back to locker room, I quickly changed and tried to salvage my hair when out of the corner of my eye, do I see a naked man. I know Americans are uptight with nudity and I'm guilty of that, but never did I expect a naked man to take a wrong turn and end up in the Women's locker room. All I will say is it was not pretty and I hope I don't have nightmares about my day of sport.

I left with a big to go cup of "Weight Loss Water" and chuckled the whole way to my tram stop!

Hold the confetti, I'm coming back!

Okay my German Gym has not seen me in awhile or at all since my first visit well that 's because I was in the states for the Holiday for two weeks and came back with a terrible cold! But is it really necessary to play on my catholic guilt, is it not enough that I see myself everyday with a muffin top and get winded walking with Sophie. These constant reminders are too much!

Hallo Kathy,
wir vermissen Dich! Komm doch mal wieder zum Training!
Dein Fitness Park Team

Translation:
Hi Kathy,
we miss you! Come have a look back at training!
Your team Fitnesspark


Seriously do they really miss me?
When I show up will they clap?
Hug me?
Cheer?
God I hope not, and here I thought Germans were not friendly....!

Here is their second email attempt to entice me to return, now if they said all the "weight loss water" you can drink, cold and all I'd be there today!

Hallo Kathy,
Damit Du in Zukunft noch erfolgreicher bei Deinem Training bist, möchten wir Dich zu unserem Trainingssteuerungsseminar einladen.In diesem Theoriekurs geht es in erster Linie um Deinen Trainingsplan, Ausdauertraining,Muskelaufbautraining und die richtige Ernährung.Das Fitness Seminar findet jetzt auch immer mittwochs um 18 Uhr im Fitness Park Horn statt.Bitte vorher telefonisch einen Platz reservieren.Fitness Park Horn 0421/2760001Dein Fitness Park Team
Translation:
Hi Kathy,
So you in the future even more successful in your training are, we want to You about our training management seminar invite. In theory, this course is primarily concerned with your training, endurance, Muscle training and proper nutrition. The fitness seminar will take place now every Wednesday at 18 clock in the Horn Fitnesspark instead. Please call in advance to reserve a place. Fitnesspark Horn 0421/2760001 Your team Fitnesspark


Alright, alright I'll be there first thing Monday but no balloons or confetti please!

OMG The Fitness Team is looking for me!

Okay I know it's been a couple weeks since my first "training" session at my new German gym and I haven't been back. But its because it is the holidays and I told myself I was going to enjoy them and focus on the new year! All very logical conversation me and my mind had, and we totally agreed with each other! So today I received an email from The Fitness Team......panic OMG what do they want ....Of coarse I could not read the email because it was in German, so my handy Google translate language tools guided me to the answer!

Here is the email:

Hi Kathy,

after your successful first training deadline are now a powerful and an endurance test. (what no one told me there was a test! I haven't studied )We want you with a muscle measurement and a heart check, so we find the optimum conditions for an even zielorientierteres(OMG the word doesn't translate what the heck is it ) have training. Join with us, please 0421/2760001damit we have a suitable date for you can find. (could damit mean something else in German or are they swearing at me because I 'm not in optimum condition)

Your team Fitnesspark

Okay Google translate is not the best, but that is kinda how there English sounds! I'm nervous they said damit call sounds kinda demanding, what have I gotten myself into ? What kinda Gym is this....? Seriously how many of you have Gyms emailing saying damit make a date for a test on Fitness! Ah!!!!!! maybe damit is part of the phone number? You know how business do that ....maybe they aren't yelling at me for not having optimum fitness!

Workout with my German Trainer

(Not my actual weight..I only wish!)

I joined a brand new gym that opened up not far from my house, when I say not far I mean a bus ride and two tram stops and a 10 minutes walk away. I have to say I was really nervous, barely slept the night before. Sure I have belonged to Gyms before, yes its been awhile since I've workout, beyond taking Sophie for a walk but we are talking about a gym in German. When I signed up my nice tour guide said oh everyone knows "a little" English you will be fine!

After my brisk walk to the gym I walk in to find two very nice German girls working the front desk, and some great techno dance music in the background. I'm thinking ya I can do this ! Then they started talking to me....uh? What? Did my German version of do you speak English? Ya Kerstin with an e speaks "a little" ! Hooray we are in business!! Kerstin kindly issues my card, gives me my complementary T-shirt wants to know if I'm size M? I said better give me an L she gives me the once over and said maybe that will be a target to be a M! Ya! Ya! Skinny girl hand it over and lets move on....so then she gives me my water bottle and instructs that is the only water bottle that can be used in Gym NO other....really! Okay I will mark it with a Big K and keep it safe. She also offers me today only free "weight loss water" all you can drink. I'm thinking bag the training, let me bellie up to the bar and down some of this! "Weight loss water" Germany has "weight loss water" the same country that made me fat with their bread, chocolate and beer has a "weight loss water" wow I'm never leaving!
Kerstin with an e takes me to the locker room and shows me how to use the lockers and said okay it is best if you bring your gym clothes not wear okay! Good ! And she leaves me there to I guess get acquainted with my locker and locker room. First road block couldn't find my way back out of the locker room, first door was the steam room, going for door number two it was the showers finally a nice girl said second door on right! Okay I'm on my way, here I come Yvonne.

Yvonne is my trainer she knows a very little bit of English but is armed with a cheat sheet ....with things like" nice to meet you" and every body part and goodbye, please and thank you.
She was really nice and tried really hard. I didn't want to correct her when she kept referring to my legs has feet. I knew what she meant ...it was a game of charades I have been playing for five months. SO!(with a Z sound) she instructed me on a circuit, we did the circuit finishing up with the elliptical which she instructed me to do with "hardiness" I don't even know what that is or means! I think she meant vigorous because after a couple minutes she came over shook her head and bumped up the speed.
SO! we are done she says you can now go do group training ...? I'm thinking wow I've advanced ...I don't now if I'm ready to group train just after one session! No Group train is classes duh! Like yoga and body pump....oh today right now yes it will be good..Ya! No I think I'm done for today but what about the other circuit right there ? The one with inner/outer thigh machine etc.. the machines I really need! She said in month 6 you can do that circuit if really good and strong and how you say lose fat! So basically my inner/outer thighs are gonna have to wait six months to be work!
Okay bye bye have some more "weight loss water" !
So me and my "water" leave, walk the 10 minutes which now take 15 minutes to catch my tram and miss the bus so I start walking home past the store that sells my yummy chocolates, past the bakery with the fresh bread all the while my thighs are rubbing together. To bad they have to wait six months to get worked, in the mean time drink the "water"!