Monday, January 30, 2012

Monday laughs....

My sister sent this in an email this morning.....I laughed so hard!! Thought it was worth sharing!
Have a wonderful Monday!! 

RETIRED HUSBAND 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. 


Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. 


Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:


Dear Mrs. Harris , 


Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are listed below and are 
"documented by our video surveillance cameras": 

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 


2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 


3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 


4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. 


5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 


6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.


7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 


8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.


9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 


10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 


11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme. 


12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 


13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 


14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!


15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
 

And last, but not least: 


16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' 


One of the clerks passed out.

16 comments:

Maggie May said...

What can I say! Glad it wasn't real!!!!!!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my goodness. SO funny. I have to tweet this.

Leslie said...

Lmao..really love the last two. Funny stuff.

Debbiedoo's said...

Oh that is soooooo funny! Thanks for the laugh on this Monday morning!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

Hilarious! I would so love to be a bystander if some of this was really happening!

pve design said...

I am sending this to my sister as her husband is near retirement. She will at least know what she has to look forward to.
pve

TARYTERRE said...

What an funny fella. Found a way to amuse himself while his wife shopped. SERIOUSLY, that was very humorous. My hubby just sits in the car and waits for me. Seems he should liven things up a bit. LOL

lisaroyhandbags said...

Too funny! Could you imagine?!

Bobbi said...

I've seen that email before! So funny!!

Tami said...

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Great way to begin the week!

Ina in Alaska said...

HILARIOUS!!

My favorite: Tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway!!!!

Joyce said...

Oh Kathy you are a hoot!! xo

likeschocolate said...

Hilarious! Happy Monday!

likeschocolate said...

Hilarious! Happy Monday!

Marilyn *Pink Martinis and Pearls* said...

Oh my gosh! I am rolling on the floor! This is so perfect. I am passing it on. Thanks so much for making my day! xo :)

a happy little life said...

CRACKED ME UP! i sent this to my retired father-in-law. he wrote me to say he laughed out loud the whole way and thanked me for the laugh. :D